Archive for May 22, 2011
And I Feel Fine…
by John Weckerle
Well, the entire population of New Mexico Central headquarters, including Senior Theological Correspondent Wilson, were greatly surprised to wake up yesterday morning and find that, based on the lack of earthquakes and pitchfork-wielding revenuers, we had apparently been taken up in the Rapture. Apparently, both computers and Internet connections are operative in Paradise, and so we are able to report to you live from the hereafter (to the extent that the phrase makes even the least bit of sense) that things up here are not too much different from what those of you down there are likely experiencing – except, of course, for the aforementioned geologic disturbances and demonic government officials.
Now, for those of our readers who are s avoiding (for the time being) the unpleasent experience of dismemberment by goat-headed mutants, we’d like to let you know that Heaven is in many ways similar to what we were all used to in the pre-Apocalyptic age. For one thing, there’s still wind up here – a good bit of it in fact. Today, it was enough to eventually drive us out of the chairs on the Divine Deck. We’re figuring there’s a reason for this, but since the welcoming committee has not yet made it by, we don’t know what it is. ? A Prairie Home Companion plays on Saturday afternoon on KANW just like at “ex-home.” Senior Ecclesiastic Personage Wilson (elevated to a loftier title due to his elevation in – well – metaphysical status) did find himself with extra stamina for chasing The Ball, which also apparently made the salvationary cut. So also, did the various purchased and home-sprouted vegetables, and Thine Editor didst verily plant them in the hallowed soil of Eden, which is unexplainedly pretty darned similar to that back on the home planet.
We are also happy to report that the roads we’re used to using are still in order. There’s at least one Costco operating in Heaven, complete with a full complement of shoppers, and we will note that the lines here are relatively short. We’re pretty sure that there’s at least one driver who got in on a technicality, though.